No Hope No Change Part 4

Having answered the questions posed on the previous blog, you are now in a position to begin the “unpacking” process. You may have realized by now that the questions were designed to look at the source of your current thinking.

Why look for the source?

One way to illustrate the importance, is to look at the disastrous, catastrophic, and deadly explosion within the Gulf of Mexico – the oil spill of 2010. It is one of the worst of its kind in our history. As you know, BP and the government are trying to stop the flow of the thousands of gallon of oil that is flowing into the ocean each day.

When this first happened the attempt was to set fire to the oil to burn as much of it off as possible. However as you know, the oil still was pouring out into the ocean. The fire was unable to stop the flow even though no one thought it would have stopped it.

The problem was that the attempt only addressed the surface issue and not the source of the problem. The problem was to find the source which happened to be miles down into the sea and then cap it. That has not been successful. One of the reason is the depth at which the cap has to go to stop the lead.

Now that they have acknowledge or discovered the source, they can work towards solving the problem. So it is with the source of your thinking today. The priority is to find it and then try to “cap” it so it no longer flow.

What or who did you discover as your source?

Let’s talk some more about that on the next blog. We will talk about now that you know, what should you do!

Let me know what you think.

No Hope No Change Part 3

In my last post “No Hope No Change – Part 2”, I outlined what it would take to move from a place of “no hope” to one of “hope”. The first step that was outlined was the need to re-evaluate the core belief system, which as I stated, led to current behavior.

The term “core belief” can be googled to find many definitions of the term. I won’t belabor the point. However I’ll just say that most people who feel hopeless is doing so from a position of negativity, which stems mostly from what they believe about themselves.

What you believe about yourself has a lot to do with what you think about yourself. What you think about yourself has a lot to do with how you behave. How you behave has a lot to do with what your future will become.

One of the questions we must tackle is this, “what do you believe about yourself?” Do you believe that you are worth much? Do you believe that you have what it takes to make it in life? Do you believe that you can make a difference in this world? These are crucial questions that must be answered.

If most of your answer is no, then there is a strong possibility that you are operating from a negative core-belief system.

This leads to the next question and that is, “when did you start believing such negative thoughts?” As far as you can think back, what made you begin to believe those thoughts? Where did those thoughts originate? Who told you those things whatever “those things” are?

Before you or I can move from a point of hopelessness to hope and then to change, these are some of the most important questions that must be answered.

How are you doing so far?

Okay, we will take this break now, and continue this conversation in my next blog. Stay tuned.

I would love to hear from you on this topic.

No Hope No Change Part 2

Yesterday, I talked about the fact that for someone to have change of significance in their lives, they have to be anchored in hope. I’ve come to believe and I am convinced that without hope, change will not happen. If a person doesn’t believe it can, then it won’t.

The first step is the belief. As you believe so you behave, which leads to the first part of the M.A.P strategy – Modify your thoughts.

When you think of a map, you immediately think of a journey. It paints the picture of someone traveling from one point to another. A wise person who wants to reach a destination, will most likely map out his / her traveling directions. They will take the time to sit down and calculate their distance, making sure they have what it takes to get to their destination.

So it is with using hope as the starting point to get you to change, which is the destination. However the difficulty comes in when the thoughts or the core belief does not support such a trip. It basically says, “you can go without me”.

Therefore in Modifying the Thoughts, the first requirement is that we re-evaluate the core belief. We need to look at the source of the thoughts that currently drives the belief and hence the behavior.

This will be the challenge that I will seek to take on in the next blog entry.

I do value your feedback as to your thoughts on this and every other entry. Let’s continue this dialogue.

No Hope No Change Part 1

One of my favorite speakers that I do enjoy listening to, is Zig Ziglar. He is a very inspiring speaker. I try to listen to him as often as I can especially in the mornings when I go to run. If you have never heard him speak, I would encourage you to do so.

One of the statements he makes among the many, is that “Hope is the foundational quality of all change. No hope no change”. This is a quote he shares from one of the great psychologists of the past.

I do believe that statement is true, and ought to be one that should be etched in the minds of anyone who hope for change.

If you are facing a difficult situation today, then hope is the place to start. You have to anchor yourself in hope. My website helpingfamiliesimprove.com contains some of the ways a person can be helped in this area – hope.

I know telling someone to embrace hope is easier said than done. However, I have found that it can be done if we are able to M.A.P out a strategy. The acronym M.A.P stands for M-Modifying your thought process, A- Adjust your behavior, and P-Prepare for change.

I will try and explain how to do that over the next few posts. So stay tuned. Let me know if you agree or disagree with what I have shared so far and why. Let’s start a dialogue on this very important topic. I would love to hear what you think.

holding the family hostage … 061708

some families are held hostage by that one teenager who have found a way to do just that. he or she is now able to do as they please within the household. they come home when they want to. they leave when they want to. they do as they please and somehow parents tend to go along with that because it takes too much energy to do otherwise. parents are spent emotionally. they just don’t know what else to do

let me paint a picture of what that looks like for you: mom, dad, and the kids are having a good time at home. the house is quiet. there is laughter and fun. mom and dad has a peaceful look on their faces. suddenly they hear the front door open and in walks troubled teenager. as soon as he or she walks through the door, mom and dad’s faces take on a different look. they become tense. other siblings stop playing. there is now an air of expectancy that any minute now there will be some kind of eruption.

troubled teen walks in without any acknowledgment of any kind, goes to his / her room, turns up his / her radio, goes to the refrigerator and has something to drink, slams the door and leaves the juice outside as he/she walks back in the room. who is going to say something? will this action be ignored or overlooked to “keep the peace”? unfortunately this family will overlook the actions just to keep the “peace”. the family is being held hostage. is there some way out for this family? what do you think? what would you suggest this family do?  by the way the teen is only 16 years old.