Sarah Palin’s daughter’s wedding plans

As has been so widely reported, Bristol Palin is forging ahead with marriage plans to her baby’s father, Levi Johnston.  It’s also been reported that Sarah Palin (Bristol’s mom) is strongly opposed to the wedding for very understandable reasons.

Levi has not been very kind in his words in the past about the Palins.  He has said some very unsavory things to say the least.  In my opinion, he was thrusted in the spotlight and was looking for his 5-minutes of fame.

Emotionally, I’m sure it is not easy for the parents, especially for the mom.  Any loving and caring parents understands this.  I believe she is torn in wanting to grant her daughter her wishes, while at the same time hurting over what Levi did.  Not only will she have the child as a constant reminder, but now having Levi as a future son-in-law, maybe a little bit too much for her.

I don’t know what the right answer is.  As far as I know, Sarah has forgiven him.  This would lead someone to say, if she has then why can’t she get past it.  Have you ever been in that situation?  How easy was it for you to “get past it”?

I’m not sure any mom, whoever they are would be jumping up and down to cheer on their daughter to get married so quickly.  Yes, there has to be room for forgiveness, which I understand Sarah has done.  However, Levi is no angel.  He publicly disgraced and humiliated the family.  I haven’t heard much remorse from him even though he may have, and I missed it.

This is not easy for any parent especially if they are not really sure of the motive of wanting to get married at this point.  They are still young and should take more time to mature.  I don’t think they are ready.  That’s my opinion.

They will have to live with their decision.  They are adults and if this is what they want to do, they can but they should not expect an exuberant response from her parents.

This would be my advice, which I give to many couples who come to me from counseling at helpingothershope.com or helpingfamiliesimprove.com.

Tell me what you think!

Lebron’s Decision

There is so much hoopla surrounding the decision of Lebron. Wall to wall stories dominated the news as the pundits all try to give their spin as to what this means. So what does it all mean? I don’t know. I do hope it does mean championships for the Miami Heat.

I must say I was curious myself as to which team he may play for, secretly hoping it was the Heat. I was ecstatic when those words came out of his mouth.

There were mixed emotions across the country as team after team which tried to lure him and was hoping they would have heard their city’s name mentioned, had the air let out of their sail. We saw how some of the fans or ex-fans reacted to the news. Some resorted to burning of his shirts and other paraphenalia as their way of protesting such decision. On top of that, to read what the owner of the Cleveland Cavaliers said, makes one wonder.

Are these extreme behaviors?

Is it that serious?

Would people go to that level over the fact that someone chooses to make a decision that makes him (Lebron) happy as he reports?

I guess we need to get our priorities right. We as a nation have lost our way. We have misplaced what is really important from what isn’t. I think such actions were just despicable, ignorant, and shameful to say the least.

Some might not agree with me, but I believe that we are consumed in life by the wrong things. We need to take a serious look at ourselves as to what is really important for us and get things back into proper perspective.  That’s what helpingothershope.com is seeking to do.

What about this order. God. Family. Others.

By the way, there is only one true KING – Jesus Christ. Lebron knows that and would not even argue with it. I know its not your fault Lebron. It’s the misguided people’s fault.

What do you think?

Marijuana and medicinal use

I am not an advocate for the usage of smoking marijuana. I have never been and don’t think I will ever be. I think smoking of anything is just not a wise decision and there are too much research that shows the effect of smoking on one’s lungs and other areas of the body. Having said that, I had an interesting conversation with someone on my facebook about said topic. I must say he does not advocate smoking marijuana. However he had some interesting and thought provoking ideas.

It all started with this post: “You can determine whether you are an intelligent person by how open you are to new ideas”. Prov 18:15. These are the words of the wisest man that ever lived – Solomon.

I’m sure he was not just speaking about all new ideas. I do believe it was within certain contexts such as within the laws of man and the laws of God. He would not be purporting the idea of going against such.

His question to the post was, “how open would u [sic] be to smoking marijuana for medicinal purposes? And how open would the church as we know it be to recieving [sic] those who do? Hmmm.. Think about it….. Its crazy but our founding fathers partook of the hemp plant regularly… Its the next epidemic because sooner than we think, it will be legal..”

Here is my answer:

“We are moving in the direction when most of the things we abhorred will become acceptable and the norm. However, even if and when they do, we must always be guided by scripture.

1. Our bodies are not ours to do as we please

2. It is the temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Cor. 6:19,20).

Marijuana may have some medicinal purpose, but I’m not sure it does through smoking. I do think everything God made has value. He did say it was good. It is just how we use the “good” things God makes.

Scientific discoveries are often made and used before they are understood” — Francis Shapiro, Ph D. It took 40 years to understand why penicillin works. Not knowing why it worked, did not stop its well documented usage and success”

My friend continued with the following: “… there are many health benefits from smoking it but the most effective way is via vaporizor and or bong…it is also been known to cure cancer and help H.I.V. patients recover and get better but those two cures are through hemp oil extract. Directly from the plant. It is not inhaled..”

He also responded to the health benefits by saying, “.. If some one is taking oxicotten for their arthritis or pain then why not be able to choose a natural way to deal with it and assist their medical issues. Its way less harmful to the body than the pills that destroy our stomach and liver. Our body is a temple right? Hmmm just provoking thought.”

My response to that was, “Yes those meds can be very harmful to the body; all have side-effects. ”

I think this was a very lively discussion, and wondering if you want to weigh in this conversation. Should marijuana be an acceptable medicinal option?

Chris Brown’s performance

Chris Brown’s performance of “Man in the Mirror” or lack thereof, have left me puzzled. I’m not sure how to interpret that. Was his crying one of missing MJ, dealing with his own pain, relating to MJ’s pain, soliciting sympathy from his fans, overcome by the opportunity to perform live on a national stage, or simply being that “man in the mirror”? Does his crying absolve him of what he did to Rihanna?

I’ve read some people’s comments about this and have come away with the feeling that his crying “redeemed” him.

I don’t know if it is as simple as that. When such comments are made, I wonder what Rihanna or her family would say about that.

I do believe everyone deserves a second chance and even more as long as they repent of what they did, and have demonstrated a behavior that supports the repentance. This will take time. This doesn’t mean they won’t ever do the “crime” again, however it should not be a way of life.

Its obvious Chris is in a lot of pain and dealing with his own issues. He needs our prayers. I truly don’t know his heart so it is not for me to stand in judgment of him.

What’s your take on the matter?

No Hope No Change Part 6

Now that you have identified the source of those haunting words or phrases that have been embedded in your mind, then the next step is seek to modify or alter what was placed there.

As I previously introduced the M.A.P strategy as the way to move from a “No hope” mode to a “Hope” mode. As you may know by now, this is no easy task. If it was, I’m sure you would have done it already.

Before we begin this very difficult task, I want to make sure that you are tracking with me up to this point. I mentioned that so many people are experiencing some form of hopelessness in their lives. Some are oblivious as to why they are feeling the way they are. Others know exactly why but don’t know how to “break” free. What I am attempting to do, is to chart the “how” for those who want to get to the “hope” mode, which is really the foundation of change.

As mentioned before, one of the great psychologists of the past said this: “hope is the foundational quality of all change. No hope, no change.”

John Maxwell says, “if there is hope for the future, there is power for the present”. In other words, when hope is within our radar, we will find the courage, strength, and perseverance to push ahead.

If you think about it, the student who have no hope, won’t study. His argument within himself is, “why study, I’m going to fail anyways”. The couple who is without hope won’t seek help. Both or at least one of them, have had this conversation within or among themselves, “why bother, it’s not going to help anyway”. The person who is ill and feel like their is no hope won’t go for further medical treatment. Their conversation within themselves is, “why bother, it’s not going to help anyways!”

This is what hope seeks to overcome.

Dr. Jerome Groopman from his book, “The Anatomy of Hope” make this statements: “Hope is the elevating feeling we experience when we see – in the mind’s eye – a path to a better future”.

Having said all that, let me introduce the meaning of the “M” within the M.A.P strategy. The “M” is for “Modify your thoughts”. This is the beginning stage of the journey. It is the starting point on your map. It is from this point that you begin to “map” your journey to your destination. In this case, “Change”.

Think about this until next time.

Stay tuned for the next blog on this topic.

Your feedback is appreciated. Let me know what you think about these blogs.

No Hope No Change Part 5

In my last blog entry you were challenged to take some time to examine the source of your firmly held beliefs. As is true of the oil leak, so it is true that your behavior that others see on the surface of your life, is flowing from deep within the ocean of your mind.

Some examples of firmly held beliefs might be you will not amount to anything, you will be just like so and so, you are dumb, stupid, ugly, lazy, good for nothing, etc. These are just a few examples. I’m sure you could add some of your own descriptions to this list.

Once you have identified the phrase or label that you have been given at some time in your past, the next step is to try to remember who it was that “slapped” that label on you. At some point in your past, someone ignorantly or intentionally, tagged you. Not only is that true, but you have had occasions where this belief was reinforced or confirmed by something you did or didn’t do. You began to believe it yourself.

This is where we begin to unpack and put in place the M.A.P strategy, which we will go step by step in future blog entries.

Stay tuned for the next blog on this topic.

Your feedback is appreciated. Let me know what you think about these blogs.

No Hope No Change Part 4

Having answered the questions posed on the previous blog, you are now in a position to begin the “unpacking” process. You may have realized by now that the questions were designed to look at the source of your current thinking.

Why look for the source?

One way to illustrate the importance, is to look at the disastrous, catastrophic, and deadly explosion within the Gulf of Mexico – the oil spill of 2010. It is one of the worst of its kind in our history. As you know, BP and the government are trying to stop the flow of the thousands of gallon of oil that is flowing into the ocean each day.

When this first happened the attempt was to set fire to the oil to burn as much of it off as possible. However as you know, the oil still was pouring out into the ocean. The fire was unable to stop the flow even though no one thought it would have stopped it.

The problem was that the attempt only addressed the surface issue and not the source of the problem. The problem was to find the source which happened to be miles down into the sea and then cap it. That has not been successful. One of the reason is the depth at which the cap has to go to stop the lead.

Now that they have acknowledge or discovered the source, they can work towards solving the problem. So it is with the source of your thinking today. The priority is to find it and then try to “cap” it so it no longer flow.

What or who did you discover as your source?

Let’s talk some more about that on the next blog. We will talk about now that you know, what should you do!

Let me know what you think.

No Hope No Change Part 3

In my last post “No Hope No Change – Part 2”, I outlined what it would take to move from a place of “no hope” to one of “hope”. The first step that was outlined was the need to re-evaluate the core belief system, which as I stated, led to current behavior.

The term “core belief” can be googled to find many definitions of the term. I won’t belabor the point. However I’ll just say that most people who feel hopeless is doing so from a position of negativity, which stems mostly from what they believe about themselves.

What you believe about yourself has a lot to do with what you think about yourself. What you think about yourself has a lot to do with how you behave. How you behave has a lot to do with what your future will become.

One of the questions we must tackle is this, “what do you believe about yourself?” Do you believe that you are worth much? Do you believe that you have what it takes to make it in life? Do you believe that you can make a difference in this world? These are crucial questions that must be answered.

If most of your answer is no, then there is a strong possibility that you are operating from a negative core-belief system.

This leads to the next question and that is, “when did you start believing such negative thoughts?” As far as you can think back, what made you begin to believe those thoughts? Where did those thoughts originate? Who told you those things whatever “those things” are?

Before you or I can move from a point of hopelessness to hope and then to change, these are some of the most important questions that must be answered.

How are you doing so far?

Okay, we will take this break now, and continue this conversation in my next blog. Stay tuned.

I would love to hear from you on this topic.

No Hope No Change Part 2

Yesterday, I talked about the fact that for someone to have change of significance in their lives, they have to be anchored in hope. I’ve come to believe and I am convinced that without hope, change will not happen. If a person doesn’t believe it can, then it won’t.

The first step is the belief. As you believe so you behave, which leads to the first part of the M.A.P strategy – Modify your thoughts.

When you think of a map, you immediately think of a journey. It paints the picture of someone traveling from one point to another. A wise person who wants to reach a destination, will most likely map out his / her traveling directions. They will take the time to sit down and calculate their distance, making sure they have what it takes to get to their destination.

So it is with using hope as the starting point to get you to change, which is the destination. However the difficulty comes in when the thoughts or the core belief does not support such a trip. It basically says, “you can go without me”.

Therefore in Modifying the Thoughts, the first requirement is that we re-evaluate the core belief. We need to look at the source of the thoughts that currently drives the belief and hence the behavior.

This will be the challenge that I will seek to take on in the next blog entry.

I do value your feedback as to your thoughts on this and every other entry. Let’s continue this dialogue.

No Hope No Change Part 1

One of my favorite speakers that I do enjoy listening to, is Zig Ziglar. He is a very inspiring speaker. I try to listen to him as often as I can especially in the mornings when I go to run. If you have never heard him speak, I would encourage you to do so.

One of the statements he makes among the many, is that “Hope is the foundational quality of all change. No hope no change”. This is a quote he shares from one of the great psychologists of the past.

I do believe that statement is true, and ought to be one that should be etched in the minds of anyone who hope for change.

If you are facing a difficult situation today, then hope is the place to start. You have to anchor yourself in hope. My website helpingfamiliesimprove.com contains some of the ways a person can be helped in this area – hope.

I know telling someone to embrace hope is easier said than done. However, I have found that it can be done if we are able to M.A.P out a strategy. The acronym M.A.P stands for M-Modifying your thought process, A- Adjust your behavior, and P-Prepare for change.

I will try and explain how to do that over the next few posts. So stay tuned. Let me know if you agree or disagree with what I have shared so far and why. Let’s start a dialogue on this very important topic. I would love to hear what you think.