Should she be forced to? … 052309

The Associated Press published a story of a 13 y/o boy who has been diagnosed with lymphoma a treatable form of cancer but his mom refuses to have him receive chemotherapy citing religious reasons.

The boy has had one treatment out of a series of six but did not go back for the rest as the mom chose to implement more natural means. According to the medical report on his recent visit, the tumor has continued to grow. The boy himself has said that he doesn’t want any treatment.

The state has stepped in and is taking custody of the boy so that he can be treated even against his or the mother’s will. The dad has agreed that the boy does need the treatment and is begging the mom to bring him for such. She is now on the run.

In light of this, where does one draw the line? Should the state have that right to treat this family namely the 13 y/o against his will? Does a family has a right to decide what they think is best for their children whether we agree with it or not?

This is a very tricky subject I think. If this boy as a minor, was being abused, then the state has a legal right to protect him, which may mean removal from the environment wherein this is being done.

Are there any similarities in this case? By the way, the boy does not read; he has been diagnosed with reading disability.

I wonder!

Should she (the mom) be forced to? Should her religious rights be over-ruled?

16 y/o teen’s baby aborted by grandma … 03.21.09

According to news report from the Sunsentinel.com, Tonuya Rainey mother of a 16 year old girl, is being held in jail for forcing an abortion upon her daughter whose name is being withheld because of her age.

The daughter said Rainey wanted her to have an abortion because she was too young to have a child, according to a police application for a search warrant. When she told her mother she was about 24 weeks pregnant, her mother gave her “round, white pills” to terminate the pregnancy, the police document said.

The mother acted in the position of a medical professional who has the legal authority to enact such procedure. She gave her daughter the RU-486 pills, which can be obtained via prescription. Was this a case of stupidity? Love? Guilt? Shame?  Was it being a grandma at 38 the issue; make her feel too old? Mom did go to a club the same night while her daughter was left at home to abort the baby.  Hmmh!   I wonder!

What did she hope to accomplish by this? Was she hoping that this would give her daughter a better chance of “making it in life”? Did she see this as our President had said about his own daughter that if she became pregnant he would want to give her the opportunity to opt for abortion and not punish her with having to becoming a mother at such an early age. Where did this idea come from? Punishment? Convenience?

We see how Ms. Rainey’s action has really helped her daughter. Was it worth it?

Life is precious. It may not come the way we hope it would. However two wrongs doesn’t make a right. An innocent child should not have to be punished for something they did not ask for. Her daughter made a mistake as we all do. She had other options one of which would be to place the child up for adoption. At least the child would be alive.

What will the future be like for this daughter? She will be traumatized as she replay seeing her baby as she states – alive and knowing it was a boy. That will be her lot for the rest of her life. Thanks mom. Now your daughter must deal with the murder of her son as well as not having you there for her. I think the latter might not be a bad thing.

I’m ticked but as ticked as I am, I will pray for this family. They sure need it now. Please join me in praying for them.

sex, teens, & tv … 03.08.09

According to a report from the BBC news, recent studies suggest that teens are more likely to engage in sexual intercourse the more exposed they are to TV programs that contain sexually suggestive scenes. Duh! It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to realize that  you become a product of your environment. It is very difficult to feed yourself a steady diet of these types of viewings and not have it affect you.

Does it need a study to determine this? They could have given the money to me used for the study and I would have told them that. I would have also been able to pull together a group of adults and teens who could attest to that. Hello

The article states that the researchers interviewed 2,000 adolescents aged 12 to 17 three times between 2001 and 2004. It found that teens who watched larger amounts of sexually charged TV shows were twice as likely to experience a pregnancy in the subsequent three years, compared with those with lower levels of exposure.

Teenage girls who watch a lot of TV shows with a high sexual content are twice as likely to become pregnant, according to a study.

Those of us who have been making these claims for years were marginalized and seen as right wing fundamentalists wackos. What do we know. What evidence do we have for such claims? Granted, I do look at studies and do reference them. I embrace the scientific findings. However this I do with balance.

The wisest man that ever lived outside of Jesus, is Solomon. This is what he said hundreds of years ago – “Guard your heart for out of it flows the issues of life”

The eye-gate is one of the main ways by which ones heart becomes corrupt. Images that are captured on the video wall of our mind will inevitably play over and over again. When we take time to reflect upon these images that has now produced thoughts of one kind or another, we must do something with the thought. Imagine a teen whose hormones are raging. What do you think their thoughts might be? Given the right situation, place, time, and person, the chance is they are going to act on these impulses.

Why then should these findings surprise us? For me, it only confirms what I’ve held to for a long time. And I must add this goes for music as well.

When will they do a study on music and its impact on teens sexuality, violence, and rebellion?

Oh to be in school again … 02.20.09

A decision was recently made by the Broward County School Board in Florida, to set limits on the amount of homework that students will receive beginning in the 09-10 school year. I’m sure most if not all students in Broward County will be shouting hallelujahs from the housetop. Some might be doing somersaults. This might be true for parents or any other adult who finds themself in the position of almost doing hours of homework with their student child. It’s amazing how as a parent you feel like you are the teacher at times.

I remember when my children were at the age where I would help them with their homework, I wondered what teachers were being paid for if I almost had to reteach the lesson. Obviously, when a student is not grasping a concept, something is not right. Its either the student has a learning disability, hates school, is oppositional, or the teacher is not teaching. If after careful exploration you find that the student is not exhibiting any of these or other symptoms, then I begin to question the teachers ability. Am I the only one who feels this way?

Some teachers also think that their class is the only class the student is in. They do not  seem to care that the student has other classes as well. One of the things I like about this new policy is that there would be collaboration among teachers to decipher the amount of workload of their students. This is simply called communication, which should be happening in the first place.

Now having said all that I would love to be in school when this policy is implemented. As it is now, some students doesn’t seem to get enough homework. Sometimes it seems like they are getting none. You ask some students do you have homework on any given day, and the answer is no. It makes you wonder.

It’s amazing how students find time for watching hours of television, surfing the internet for eternity, talking and texting on their phone for hours on end, even though they supposedly have homework. They will find time to do what they want to do.

I am wondering if these are just board members who don’t want to be bothered with the hands-on assistance of their children’s education, who decided to bring this debate to the table and now won? Also I am wondering if this won’t give students more time on their hand to be involved in things they ought not to be involved in? Just some thoughts!

Alfie, the 13 y/o dad … 02.14.09

It happened the first time!  So said Alfie who has just turned 13 y/o. It happened at 12. What happened? Glad you asked. I was here waiting for you to do so.

According to the Sun news article, Alfie became a father at 13 y/o. The article stated that he had sex with 15 y/o Chantelle for the first time when he was 12, and she became pregnant. When they found out, they didn’t know what to do. They knew they needed to tell their parents but did not know how to go about doing it. Fear of what they might say or do kept them with this secret. With all that these two at this age had to be dealing with – Alfie, issues surrounding puberty and Chantelle thoughts of turning the magical age of 16, they now had to add the burden of unplanned pregnancy to the list. If you are at this age or if you can remember what it was like at this age, you can probably related.

I must hasten to commend the decision that was made, which is to take the baby full-term and not abort it. We are living in an age that abortion has become the means to end “the inconvenience”. I used the word inconvenience because there are many people who thinks this way. Hope you are not one of them. I know there are other words that are used as well, but lets not get distracted. This baby’s life was spared. I wish this was true for the other millions who are killed each year.

Note: Baby’s Mom – Chantelle, looks like she could be baby’s dad – Alfie’s, mom

There are several interesting things about this article. One of them is Alfie’s dad making the statement that he realizes the need to talk to his son – Alfie, about the “birds and the bees” again. Could this be one of the problems? I’m not suggesting that if he spelled it out to Alfie as best as he could, it would have made a difference. It may have. The issue here is maybe he needs to talk to his son not about the birds and the bees but about penis, vagina, and sexual intercourse. Call it what it is.

Maybe you are reading this article as a parent and you are one who have a difficult time talking to your kids about a topic of this nature, let me hasten to say this: if you don’t someone else will and maybe the someone that will, is not the person you want talking to your child about this issue.

Here it is that this child has now become a father. He doesn’t even know the cost of a diaper. Obviously this child will be raised by the grandparents. I don’t think you would want these children raising this baby. Do they sound like they could? Chantelle – “We didn’t think we would need help from our parents.” Alfie – “I didn’t think about how we could afford it. I don’t really get pocket money …” Are these the words of children or what! Should they be having a baby? Should the baby be placed for adoption? These are tough questions.

If I was to point the finger at anyone, I would point it at Chantelle. She need to get someone who is at least her own age if she wants to have sex. I would almost go as far as to say that she raped him. She took advantage of a little child. She knew better. Someone may ask, “what about the parents?” I’m not sure what they could have done. If they never had clear talks with these kids about sex and developmental issues, then yes, I would also point the finger at them for that part.

If it is as Alfie states that this happened the first time of having sex, it only underscores the fact that staying clear of sexual intercourse is the only sure way to not become mom and dad. In addition, it is the sure way to remain free of STD’s.

Does environment plays a part in all of this? Hmmh! I wonder.

Childish play or Serious Crime? … 021109

On 12/30/09, I wrote an article entitled “Sexting, the new porn?” In that article I discussed the fact that it seemed teens were getting involved in something they thought was just “child’s” play. These teens would take nude or semi-nude pictures of themselves or a willing partner and send those pictures to friends. What these teens were not aware of is that any transmission of nudity over any media form, is considered porn.

Now, some boys are being considered for possible charges of trafficking porn. What these boys did was to send to their friends pictures of a nude 13 y/o girl. The boyfriend of the girl had taken pictures of his girlfriend and send to his buddies. They in turn send those pictures to others. Who else knows who have seen this picture or where it will eventually end up. It might now be on the internet. Was that the boyfriends intention? I don’t think so.

The question that must be dealt with which is, should they be charged with porn trafficking? Would that be excessive? Wow! That is the $1,000,000 question.

Prosecutors claim that the law does not give them much room to negotiate.

Was this a stupid mistake? Is this childish play? Should this be overlooked? What about the 13 y/o whose picture has now been seen by who knows how many people?

“Sexting” the new porn? … 012309

As we have heard time and time again, it is not the technology that is the issue but the users of these technologies. Some people would read this article and fault the manufacturers for how the phone is being used. They would try to insist that there be some kind of child protection be placed on  cell phones to keep  teens from using them in this way. This is the kind of society we are living in, where its easier to place blame on “others” rather than teaching or insisting that people take responsibility for their own actions.

I know the above sounds like ranting or going off on a tangent however it might not be as far fetched as you would think. Look at the gun industry. The gun makers are blamed for much of what happens with guns. The car industry is blamed for the harm that may occur in accidents hence the need to make changes.

When all this happens, it only drives up the cost of these products.

As it is with any other products parents have a responsibility of teaching and helping their teens make good decisions. I know that as a parent you can do all you can and yet some teens will make bad decisions. However, you as a parent won’t have to live with the guilt because you did all you could to help your child with the decision making process. Let the teens bear whatever the consequences are for their  decision.

Now that I have ranted, let me get back to the topic at hand. These teens who are involved in using their phones for taking videos and pictures of themselves in the nude then sending them by text to their friends are involved in porn. Yes it is teens doing what teens do – doing things without thinking about consequences. But these are the very things people are being charged for – peddling in child porn. This should be made clear to these teens in addition to pointing out the dangers.

This could lead to an acceptance and normalizing of this practice where these same teens as they get older may take this a step farther.  Could this  just be the beginning?

These are just some of my thoughts. What do you think?

Texting – A way of life … 011709

Texting has become a way of life for most teens.  Life would not be life without such.  If you took away the ability to text from a teen who has become entrenched in it, you would have an emotionally disturbed child.  Some teens would think that their life has come to a standstill.  What is life without the ability to text?

I know that I do a reasonable share of texting.  I find it very convenient.  It takes away having to spend a lot of time talking on the phone.  You may just want to say a few words to someone that you know a phone call may take a bit longer because you have to say a bit more on the phone.  Lord help us!  Spending time talking to people building or maintaining social skills is becoming a thing of the past.

Text messaging has its own vocabulary.  Words are abbreviated.  Language is rewritten.  You need to know a new language 2 keep txt msgs short.  It saves on rtn (writing).

No wonder kids are having such a hard time in skl.  They are unable to form sentences, spell correctly, and express themselves properly.  How do we use the technology as a tool to help these kids?  There has to be a way.  Trying to take away the “tool” is not the answer.

There was a recent news of a thirteen year old california girl (Reina Hardesty) who sent 14,528 text messages in one month? OMG!  Her father wasn’t “LOL” when he read last month’s AT&T cell phone bill, which amounted ot 440-page statement. Most of these text messages were sent to her friends who might be sitting one seat away on a bus or a step away at a party.  Is this a sign of laziness or an inability to have face to face conversations?

And you thought your kids were addicted to text messaging. Her dad says that worked out to be about 484 text messages a day, on average. Yes, a day.

Fortunately, the  Hardesty has a phone plan that allows unlimited texting for $30 a month. Otherwise, he estimates, he would have owed AT&T $2,905.60 at a rate of 20 cents per message.

The average number of monthly texts for a 13- to 17-year-old teen is 1,742, according to a Nielsen study of cellphone usage.

This indeed has become a way of life.  You wonder how will this affect these teens in later years physiologically.  Unfortunately some will not have live until the later years of life because of text messaging and related accidents.  Automobile accidents are on the increase due to such.  Others are making other mistakes / errors that has or will cost them their lives.   it is a serious situation.  Something needs to be done.  It has to start at home.  Parents, this is where you have to step in and step up.

how do you cope? … 010309

As a parent of a 16 y/o I cannot begin to imagine what the Travolta’s are going through with the death of their son Jett Travolta. According to preliminary reports, Jett fell in the bathroom and hit his head against the tub which led to his death.

Every parent watches the growth process of their children and have certain dreams for them as they move from one stage of life to another. Once they get into that magical age of teenage-hood the changes begin to take place in rapid succession. The relationship between parent and child begins to change. You can now have more adult-type conversations. There is a sense of wondering as to what this person may one day become. You see patterns developing which even more solidifies your dreams for your teen.

All of this come to a crashing halt / end when a tragedy like this occurs. How do you recover? Is it possible?

The Travolta’s are now dealing with this. But I’m sure they are not the only one who have lost a teenage son or daughter. However a high profile death like this does bring these discussion to the public square.

How do you cope with tragedies like this? How will the Travolta’s cope? How have you coped with your loss? Loss is loss. However, no parent ever think of burying their children especially this young. Most parents believe that they will be buried by their children.

All losses are painful. As one who have experienced the loss of a younger sister, I know. However, I know it is more painful from a parents perspective. I found that I was only able to cope by relying heavily on the comfort of God through his Holy Spirit. That is where we as a family drew our strength. I don’t know how else can it be possible.

Here is the words of a father who lost his 20 y/o son to melanoma. He quoted from Dean Koontz’a “The Darkest Evening of the Year”.

“Because God is never cruel, there is a reason for all things. We must know the pain of loss; because if we never knew it, we would have no compassion for others, and we would become monsters of self-regard, creatures of unalloyed self-interest. The terrible pain of loss teaches humility to our prideful kind, has the power to soften uncaring hearts, to make a better person of a good one.”

it’s in the brain … 122308

A recent study presented last month at a Society for Neuroscience meeting once again reiterated that a teen’s behavior tend to be in line with their brain development or lack thereof.  These findings has been ongoing, but more and more it seem to be confirming the initial findings that came out several years ago.

Sometimes these studies would on the surface seem to remove responsibility from teens for behaviors that are so erratic and at times off-the-wall.  However they are no way advocating such.  These findings must be used in conjunction with other techniques to help teens navigate this period of their lives. Such things as discipline, behavioral modifications, counseling, etc must be implemented for possible success.

Here is the finding on scans done on both teen and adult brains:

Brain scans showed that when teens were asked to do virtual tasks (such as driving a simulated car) in the presence of an audience, their right brains (which deal with social and emotional information) were more activated, whereas when adults were asked to do the same task their left brain (which is believed to control thoughts and actions) was more activated.  Teens took more risks and made more mistakes when they had an audience than when they did not.

One of the key areas of the findings is that teens tend to take more risks and made more mistakes when they had an audience.  In school, a teen would rather fight than walk away because of the audience that they have.  Take that same situation and place it where there were no audience, a teen would more likely walk away if that had been a part of their training.  In class, teens would rather take the risk of acting out to appease their audience with full knowledge of the consequences.  Fight rather than flight is the name of the game for them. These are all based on the emotions rather than the thinking process which is not fully developed.

Some parents of teens even without this information, but based on raw instinct and that parental “check”, have a rule that their teens may not drive with their peers in the car.  In light of this research, that rule may be wise.

What do you think?