when parents choose friendship over parenting … 071508

as i mentioned in my previous post, one of my pet peeves is to watch or listen to parents who would rather be their child’s friend rather than be their parent.

let me say that there comes a time within the relationship when parents will have to do a mental shift in relating to their children more in a “friendship” way rather than a “parenting” way.  they will always be parents and they should not think that this shift lessen their position in any way.  i know this is a difficult concept to grasp especially for parents who has a different cultural background than the one they experience here in the united states.

this concept might not be embraced in other parts of the world.  this i am very aware of so i must preface by saying this is a western – american – concept more so than universal.

i must also confess that i am jamaican so my cultural background would tend to reject the notion of parents becoming friends with their children.  however i think because of my many years of living in the states, i am very assimilated within the american culture.

having said that, i still struggled with the concept but have intentionally made an effort to embrace it.  i think i have come to that place.

so the question is when should a parent make the decision to embrace the “friendship” role?  should they ever do so?

i believe it should be done when the child becomes an adult.  this should be a process because this takes time to adjust to this new concept.  this gives the teen (adult) the opportunity to learn how to become more responsible and to make more individual decisions.  this prepares them to be “launched” into a new stage of life – adulthood.

my pet peeve is when parents try to be friends too early.  the child needs parents to guide them, make decisions for them and provide them with structure.  this cannot be done from a friendship position because when the time comes for discipline of any kind, the child challenges such; they became too familiar and familiarity breeds contempt.

that’s my take.  what’s yours?