follow up to previous post on anger management… 071008

if you read my previous post discussing issues of anger, i just wanted to add a few more thoughts.

anger in and of itself is not bad. it is not wrong to get angry. it is what you do while you are angry that matters. this need to be communicated as clearly as possible especially to children so that they can learn how to properly and appropriately express their anger. parents could help their children in this very critical area. how different things would be if parents could guide their children from an early stage of life, how to express their anger. i truly believe that the way people express their anger is a learned behavior.

here is what some teens had to say about their expression of anger. see if this could be categorized as a learned behavior.

“anger affects my life in so many ways. when i’m angry, i throw things and break-up everything in the house. i try to hurt my family and friends. in the end, i pay for it by getting locked up and put in programs”

“anger has affected me in many ways like fighting … this is the most important thing. this happens especially when they disrespect me. when someone just walks by and try to hit me, i feel like i want to hurt the *%$@ (expletive) out of them.”

“my anger has affected my life, because i have been in and out of jail because of it. when my [sic] angers gets up, i break things and get into a lot of fights over dumb things. it has also affected my grades because when i get angry, i fight my teachers.”

where did they learn these behaviors? i believed someone expressed their response to anger in similar ways. i had one teen tell me that when their teacher made them mad they cuss them out. i asked her what happens at home when her parent got mad. she said her mom “cussed” her out. hello!!!!!

here are some thoughts on why we generally get angry:

when:

1. our pride is hurt
2. we don’t get our way
3. someone else is acknowledged over us
4. we are confronted about certain issues
5. we don’t have all the facts or a clear picture and don’t stop to get them

of course there might be other reasons, but i believe most of the reasons could be placed in one or more of the above areas.

what do you think? do you agree? disagree?