helping or undermining the abstinence message … 073108

there are somethings that i find to be a contradiction. this is one of them. there is a push by most to help kids delay having sex until later in life – hopefully marriage. the argument that overshadows this message is that kids are not going to wait therefore we should arm them with the tools they need to protect themselves from diseases and unwanted pregnancies. hence the manufactures of this vaccine – Merc is lobbying or has lobbied to make it mandatory for girls between 9 and 12 years of age to be vaccinated.

we should applaud this company for their caring effort and their concern for our daughters. i’m sure they have their best interest at heart which is driving this relentless effort. i guess we should hold merc up to the rest of the world as a primary example of how a company should do business. or should we?

let me be the first to say thank you merc for exposing our daughters to the possibility of the following side effects: there are a number of reported cases where those who have received the Gardasil shot has experienced blood clots, fainting spells, miscarriage, paralysis, seizures, and even death. thanks merc. way to go.

my contention is that we should treat teens with more respect and give them more credit than this. “It is extremely irresponsible and discriminatory to imply to our young people that they can control their passions in the area of violence, drugs, and other abuses but cannot control their sexual urges.” (Pat v. Ware, Shepard Smith, “AIDS and HIV Infection in the African American Community,” House of Representatives, Sept. 16, 1994, p.4.Subcommittee of Human Resources and Intergovernmental Relations, US)

I often point out the schizophrenia in our logic when I’m with the teens and amazingly enough they see it more clearly than most adults I encounter: Drugs are illegal, but since we know you’re going to do it anyway, we’re going to instruct you on how many ccs’s you can safely inject yourself with without overdosing.

Alcohol consumption is illegal for minors, but since we know you’re going to do it anyway, were going to teach you how to accurately calculate the amount of alcohol you can ingest (per body weight) and yet still be below the legal blood alcohol limit. Smoking is bad for you and it is illegal for someone to sell cigarettes to minors, but since we know you’re going to do it anyway, we’re going to provide filters for you at the school based clinic. In addition, we’ll even help schedule appointments for you to purchase your cigarettes without your parents consent to protect your privacy. Carrying handguns is illegal for minors, but since we know you’re going to do it anyway, we’re going to provide a bulletproof vest distribution program. Moreover, we’ll show you how to become expert marksmen so when you do your drive-byes you will be responsible enough not to shoot innocent babies and elderly people.

read what the FDA argued ….

first time sex leads to death … 072808

the miami herald reported that 15 y/o Jason hartley killed 14 y/o neica gibbs after having sex with her. the article went on to say that the two teens fought after their tryst and according to jason, neica fell on the treadmill, hit her head, and got tangled in the cords which led to her strangulation.

his mom reported that jason confessed to her and the police telling them that it was his first time having sex and that neica teased him afterwards. this apparently led to the fight and the eventual death. his mom also reports that jason has an anger problem.

there are other reports surrounding how this all developed, which you can read for yourself.

two families will never be the same again. two young lives are lost, one in physical death and the other, the death of his future goals, dreams, aspirations, etc. obviously they can’t be compared because one is still alive.

we can’t go back and change what has happened. oh how we wished we could. if it was possible to rewind this story and we could have talked with these two teens, what would we have told them. i know i would have talked about sex issues; definitely helped jason with his anger issues; helped neica with self-esteem or self-worth issues … what else would you have helped them with?

i put myself in the shoes of both families and i don’t know how i would react. possibly angry at what has happened as well as with self – blaming self for where i might have gone wrong. i must commend jason’s mom for turning her son into the police as well as making the statement that jason’s actions deserve whatever the consequences that comes with it. she said something important and that is her parents taught her that principle. how many parents are teaching such to their kids today?

here are the mother’s words: ”He’s going to pay a price for it,” she said. “I was always taught, and believe, when you do wrong, you’ve got to pay a price for it.”

what do we do now? i believe both families need to seek out professional counseling through their church or with a christian counseling center. why christian? well a christian counselor can help the families by combining the comfort from the Bible along with his /her professional training to offer help. the spiritual component is a must in situations like these. the help of god must be invoked.

forgiveness has to be requested and offered. who knows more about this than jesus christ. he has left us with his teachings on the matter and the necessity of it.

as you ponder this, keep both sets of families in your prayers.

read the teachings of jesus below.

molding success in your teen … 072808

every parent that i know want their teen to become successful in life. they will do as much as they can to help mold and shape their teen to achieve success. sometimes these parents do not possess the skills or other resources to do what they would like, but as you speak with them, deep within this is their desire. i have not yet met that parent who is raising their teen become a failure in life.

the question is what are some key elements that every parent need to make sure their teen possesses for them to be successful. i do know that a parent can do but so much especially at this stage within the life-cycle of that teen. early intervention is the key. the following need to be instilled at an early age. these are just some suggestions that i think should be at the top of the list.

• reverence for God
• respect for authority, family, friends, and others
• honesty
• a good education i.e the teen doing the best he or she can; no room for poor performance or mediocrity

these are just a few of the many but i think they should top the list for all children.

do you agree with these top priorities? do you think they are the foundation for success in life?

you can read what john maxwell wrote about one of most successful coaches of our time and what made him that way. read especially what he said about what this coach – john wooden looked for in his players. these traits didn’t just get there. they came as the result of a parent intentionality.

here’s just a few traits this successful coach looked for; not so much talent but:

• classroom discipline
• respect for parents / guardian
• treatment of siblings

just to name a few.

speaking in the wrong ear … 072608

i recently saw this youtube video clip that i thought spoke volumes about the way we communicate. the problem is that the ones to whom we are communicating are not hearing us because we are speaking in the wrong ear. as you watch this, ask yourself the question, “have you been speaking to your teen or someone of significance in the wrong ear?”

i’ll let you draw the conclusion after you have watched. let me know what you think about the analogy.  here is the video:

thinking about parenting of teenager … 072508

i read a very good article today on parenting that i thought was worth passing on so here it is. you can read it and then let me know what you think about it. here is the link thinking about parenting

is “natural born killers” responsible? … 072408

is the movie “natural born killers” responsible? is this the dark side of eric tavulares? is this split personality disorder? is this a murderous heart? is this a callous heart? is this what the bible describes as the heart being “deceitful and desperately wicked”? is this cold-blooded murder? is this diabolical?

in a report eric tavulares states that he has watched the movie 10-20 times. the movie according to the report is very violent and has a sex scene that depicts strangulation.

18 y/o Lauren Aljubouri

Eighteen-year-old Lauren Aljubouri was strangled in her Milwaukee apartment last Saturday after coming home to her boyfriend eric tavulares. it would seem that they both lived together and have been in a relationship on and off for several years.

eric states that they were both watching the movie. halfway through the movie they turned it off and went to bed. he said while they were lying there he doesn’t recall what happened other than he had a “mental switch” and he rolled over on top of her and strangled her. he said it took about 4 minutes. when he realized what had happened he tried to resuscitate her but was unable to. he called 911. when the police came he confessed to killing her. she was pronounced dead on the scene.

the question is should the movie be blamed for Lauren’s death or should eric be held totally responsible? i can see the insanity card being used in his defense.

lauren is 18 y/o so she is an adult according to the law and can make her own decision so i’m not sure what the parents could do or say in regards to her living with her boyfriend. however, eric having previous charges filed against him such as resisting arrest, i’m not sure if something could not be done to have her removed from that situation. a possible intervention could have been done but i’m not sure lauren would have welcome such especially if she is steeply in love with eric. so should her parents be held partially responsible for what happened to her?

these are questions i’m posing to see what your thoughts are.

whatever thoughts you may have, both families need our prayers.

slap on the wrist? … 072308

is this a slap on the wrist? is this ruling too lenient? will they learn from this experience? is this all? are these kids gonna get some help through counseling?

oh, here i go again. reacting to the ruling of the judge on the three girls that vandalized their school over the weekend. you can read my blog “tweens gone wild”, which also has a link to the story.

according to local reports the judge in this case has sentenced the three girls – two 10 years old and one 12 years old, to community service. what kind of community service can they do at this age that would be meaningful for them? how will they learn from this? i had a suggestion, which you can read in my blog post “tweens gone wild”.

again, i’m struggling with what would be best for these kids. i read a comment from another source where one person said in essence that nothing will ever happen to these kids because of their age, so just move on. really? is that the approach we should take?

even though i do agree that nothing of consequence is going to happen to them, i disagree that we should just “move on” and forget about it. i do believe that a message need to be sent so that others who would think of doing something similar would think twice before acting out their thoughts.

would a news report using video showing them cleaning up the mess they did in the school be helpful? in addition the authorities could have them wear the orange jump suit that prisoners wear while they clean up the school. i believe this might and i said might, serve as a deterrent. what do you think?

tweens gone wild! … 072208

too much time on their hands? mischievous? out of control? devilish? media? thinking they’ll get away with it? lack of parental control? poor choice of friends?

which is it?

oh, you might be asking what am i talking about! thanks for asking because i was on a roll trying to describe what possible explanation i could come up with, but as you see, i’m struggling. maybe you can help. so here it is.

police arrested three girls – two 10 years old and one 12 year old, for vandalism of their school. they broke into the school ground and began to take out their anger on the school breaking whatever they could get their hands on, putting holes into the walls, spray painting buildings, pouring paint into toilets, throwing art supplies all over the room and leaving behind what authorities describe as something resembling a natural disaster. it took them a good three hours to do the damage. all this was captured on camera.

a third girl – 9 years old, was also charged with trespassing – a misdemeanor, because she broke in the day before to help scout out the area but didn’t go the next day to do the damage. the other three girls are facing felony charges and criminal mischief.

why did they do this? they say they were “mad at the school” because of a function that took place last year.

these girls were mad all this time. i wonder who did they share this with. did they tell their parents or some other adults? i wonder what advice or counsel if any, did they get. do they have an anger problem?

i’m at a loss. i have to think this through as to what my assessment of this situation would be. suffice it to say, i do think these kids need help. i believe something should be put in place where they make amends. one of the ideas i’m thinking of is to have them go to the school and help with the clean up process however long it takes them.

the sad part of this is that the parents are the ones who will feel most of this “pain” – emotional, mental, and possibly financial.

what other consequences should they face?

note: this took place in pembroke park, Hallandale, Florida … you can read the article for yourself. click here.

i’m just going to get mine! … 072108

that statement is being made by so many today. the bottom line is that those who make that statement is basically saying that the end justifies the means. if it means that i have to compromise my standards, values, morals, or whatever else i have to do then i will as long as i get “mine”. would that be a fair observation or conclusion from this statement? if so, how did we get here?

those who would make such statement are seen as self-centered. i would concur with the self-centered position in general leaving room for clarity from those individuals. meanings might vary from person to person as to their idea of what “going to get mine” is all about.

i can think of the person who may use that statement, but is really after fulfilling the dreams they have within them. they realize that this can only be done when they make the decision to go after such. this decision sometimes may not get the support they need so they are determined to go after “it”. they are doing so without being too concerned about what others think. this would give the appearance that they are stepping over the “advice” of others.

would this be a bad thing? would this be the end justifying the means?

just some thoughts on this statement since i have heard it a number of times. what’s your thoughts? have you ever heard this statement? what do you think it mean?

are they serious? … 071808

the miami herald reports that two teens (13 & a 15 y/o) were arrested – another 15 y/o is still at large – for allegedly raping a 21 year old mother on may 23rd 2008. the mother reported that she heard a knock on her front door but did not really pay much attention to it. when she turned around she noticed that the door was ajar and as she looked back she was tazered from behind and was dragged into the bedroom where she was raped.

these teens ransacked the house and stole cash and whatever else they could get away with. having done that they bragged about it to friends. are they serious? did they not think that they would get caught? did they think that this would be held confidential or did they really care? i guess this was intentionally done so that others would hear of their “exploits”.

as i have written in previous post about this topic “what were they thinking?” i won’t take much time with that again only to say, “what were they thinking?” (lol)

obviously they weren’t or were they. maybe they thought they could get away with it. maybe they thought that their friends would not say anything to anyone. maybe they thought that the victim would not say anything. who knows what they were thinking.

i raise the question again here as i did in a previous blog , “who is to be blamed?” “who should be held responsible?” what should be the fate of these teens?

this incident supports the notion that most teens do not think before they act. they ignore possible consequences. they do not see how their actions could produce painful and possible long term consequences. for the most part they are very short sighted; they act on the pleasure principle which blinds them to the impact of their actions on others.

all of these actions underscores the findings that teens in general do not have the capacity to connect actions and consequences. hence the need for discipline, guidance, tough love, faith, much prayer, and for constant parental oversight. the question that someone will ask is what happens when there are no parents present and the teen is basically left to his / her own. i would say these are the exceptions which calls for some form of outside help.

not an easy discussion. i’m open to suggestions / ideas.